funny everyday life quotes

Today, I am walking on the riverbanks in Venice and I really need to take a piss. I look left and right: nobody. I start doing my things in the water and at the same exact time, a barge full of tourists sailed past me and applaused. Jinxed!

Today, my father brakes my plastic ruler on my head because I didn't want to study. I am 20. Later, he felt bad about it and bought me a new one, made of steel. I'm scared! Jinxed!

Today, I am invited to attend my son's karate demo. When I get there, I am asked to wear a kimono to be part of the demo. I havea hard time finding an excuse. I wasn't wearing any underwear. Jinxed!

Today must the 100th time I ask myself: "why didn't I take the garbage out yesterday ?" and my cat seems to be saying: "so that I can play with it all night long and scatter it everywhere accross the apartment" I hate my cat. Jinxed!

Today, I am jogging with two girlfriends when a guy shouts at us from accross the road: "only 3 left to go !" "3 what ?" we asked, startled: " 3 pounds". Jinxed!

Today, I was making love with my boyfriend. When we changed the position, he shouted "Power Rangers Transformation !" Jinxed!

Today, I notice there's a power outlet in my bathroom. It's been more than a year that I have lived in that apartment and that I have dried my hair in the living room without a mirror. Jinxed!

Today, I visited my girlfriend with chocolate and flowers. She smiled smugly and said "nice try, but I am on my periods" Jinxed!

Today, I spent two hours preparing and cooking a steak dinner for this cute girl and her friends, only to find out that they were vegetarians. Jinxed!

Today, the police calls to tell me that my bicyle has been found. I drive to the station, and am asked to describe my bike more specifically to make sure it really is mine. Embarassed, I have to tell them that there is a dick drawn on the seat. Jinxed!

Today, I invited a girl I like to spend the afternoon at my place. She had a great time...with my sister. They became the best friends ever, and I was left wasting time on my computer. Jinxed!

Today, I am running some errands with my wife. As we leave a shop, I see her talking with a couple on the sidewalk.I am in a sociable mood, so I go over to them, shake their hands and introduce myself. Turns out my wife didn't know them, they were just asking for directions. Jinxed!