funny everyday life quotes

Today, I ask my girlfriend "how do you see yourself 5 years from now", she replied sharply "I don't know, but not with you". Jinxed!

Today, I go to a shrink for the first time. At the end of the session, he shakes my hand and tells me, smiling: "good thing you came here". Jinxed!

Today, I received a letter after losing my Gucci purse last week: "I found your purse. I'm sending your stuff back, but I'm keeping the sweet wallet: it's my wife's birthday soon"

I'm dead drunk, I've got a crush on a girl I can't get and I just puked. Jinxed!

Today, I saw this girl that I had a major crush on. She looked right over at me, smiled, and then waved. I gave her a huge wave back with a big grin on my face. Little did I know, she was actually smiling and waving to her boyfriend who was walking right behind me. Jinxed!

Today, my roommate who I'm secretly in love with comes in my room, lies in my bed with me and says "I just got dumped. We're not gonna fuck, I just need you to hold me in your arms." Jinxed!

Today, a girl that I really like asked me if she could rest her feet on my lap. She took her shoes off and did so. I think I had never smelled anything so horrible in my life. At least I don't like her anymore. Jinxed!

Today, on my 3 month anniversary of quitting smoking, I go celebrate with friends, and brag about how I used to be a huge smoker: 2 packs/day. Everyone told me: "now you're just huge" because i gained 20 pounds. Jinxed!

The boy I've liked consistently for the past three years just called me. He wanted to know if I think my best friend will ever be interested in him. Jinxed!

Today, I have a college degree and can't find a job, so I washed the dishes and helped my 7 year-old brother with his homeworks because I am bored. Jinxed!

Today, I picked my 7 year old daughter after school up. In the car, she randomly asked me who the man that spent all week end at home with mom was . I don't know, because I was in at a business seminar all week end. Jinxed!

Today, I take the train with my cousin. After walking accross the whole train, we finally find 2 seats next to one another. After 20 minutes, I go to the restrooms, and on my way back I hear my phone ringing because I received a text: "the hottest girl ever asked if your seat was free. Change car". Jinxed!