funny everyday life quotes

Today, I'm alone at home while my girlfriend is having dinner in a restaurant with her ex. Jinxed!

Today, I turned 28 and my boyfriend gave me present. He thought I'd be pleased. It was an anti-wrinkle cream. Jinxed!

Today, I was trying to park my car down town, and was failing every time. A man comes and offers to do it for me. In the process, he crashed the outside rear-view mirror against another car. Jinxed!

Today at lunch break, I wrote in the steam from my shower "I want sex" on the window. Tonight as I came back home, I went in the bathroom, the shower was steamy again and my sister had written "get yourself a man". Jinxed!

Today, I was reading a book about animals with my 5 year old daughter. I pointed at the pictures so that she could name them. Once we got to the elephant she laughed and said: "It's mommy !"

Today,I am with two friends and one of them asks us if we know the guy she is pointing at. I proudly reply: "Yeah, I slept with him last week". The thing I didn't know is that she had been dating him for 4 months. Jinxed!

Today, I send a text to that girl I've been flirting with for a while: "would you like to have a coffee?" to which she replies "excellent idea, i'll go make myself one"

Today, I was in a bar and I tried to pick up a 42 year old MILF who drank my $12 cocktail and gave me matches in return. She left after that, no phone number. Jinxed!

Today, I'm getting married and my name is Penelope. My fiance's last name is Cruise... I have a bad feeling about this. Jinxed!

Today, I went swimming. As I was walking along the pool, everybody was looking at me. I thought my diet was starting to bring results. When I got back to the locker room, I realized the string of my tampon was dangling down my bikini. Jinxed!

Today, I was shopping and had to go to the restrooms, so I head to the first automatic public toilets, pay and sit. After a few seconds, the door opens automatically, right in front of tons of people. Jinxed!

Today, I get out of a fitting room in a store and give all the clothes to the shop assistant. After a few minutes outside, I change my mind and decide to actually buy one of the shirts I tried. When I walked back into the store, the girl was spraying deodorant in the fitting room. Jinxed!