funny everyday life quotes

Today, I shake my friend's coke as a prank. That's when I realized it was already opened. Jinxed!

Today, I invite this girl I like to take a stroll by the sea. We sit in the sand, the scene is very romantic, so I decide to tell her about my feelings. "I feel really good around you, I'd like..." she interrupted me and said "this morning, I saw a carnivorous gull by the sea !" Jinxed!

Today, someone asked me which local highschool I was grading from in May...I explained I am 24 and graduating from college...Jinxed!

Today, I was flirting with a foxy girl I met in a Supermarket. Ther was a lot of chemistry going on... then my mom appears and shouts: "so thats where my baby was". Jinxed!

Tuesday 9/2/2008 opening day of schools in the 7th largest district in the USA. In other words, day from hell. I had to go through a 30+ minute commute home after work because a tanker rolled over on the freeway. Once I get home, I pull up open the mailbox and bam! Jury duty notice. Jinxed!

Today, I go pick my daughter up from school for the first time. The teacher, who doesn't know me, tells me that one of the kids, Morgan, told the whole class that she saw her mother "play with a man in the swimming pool". I am Morgan's father, and I just got back from a business trip this morning. Jinxed!

Today, I almost missed my train, so I put my foot between the doors to prevent them from closing completely. As a result, my foot got stuck between them and people had to set off the alarm in order for the driver to re-open the doors and set me free. Jinxed!

Today, I go to the post office to buy stamps. In order to get rid of all my change, I decide to use the stamp machine. Unfortunately, I was short of just one cent, and was forced to use the smallest coin I had left: a quarter. The machine gave me back 24 pennies. Jinxed!

Today, I was messing around with my girlfriend's thong on my head while playing Wii-fit. The doorbell rang and I went to open the door. The thong was still on my head and I had forgotten that her parents were coming for lunch so that I could meet them. Jinxed!

Today, my 4 year old sister asks me if I am sick because I have a rash on the face. I tried to tell her that pimples are because of adolescence. Now, she's convinced that I am adolescence intolerent and tells everyone. Jinxed!

Today, my 42 year old mom solemnly declared that she wanted to become a magician. The worst is, she was being serious. Jinxed!

Today, after an alcoholic party, I fall asleep in my bed. In my dream, I wanted to puke and since it was only a dream, I puked everywhere in my bed, on the floor, and so on and so forth. It's crazy how dumb I can be when I am drunk. I feel sorry for the cleaning lady. Jinxed!